Monologue Jokes About President Obama's Secular Agenda, A Workman Having Sex with a Tenant's Dog, Mitt Romney's Planned Parenthood, and more

In New York, a workman was charged with bestiality involving a tenant’s Labrador retriever. The workman was like, “That dog was practically barking for it.”

Mitt Romney says President Obama has a “secular agenda.” Romney was like, “Obama is carrying this separation of church and state thing too far.”

Mitt Romney said he would stop funding to Planned Parenthood. Romney was like, “I never understood planned parenthood because I never met anyone who planned to be a parent in the ‘hood.”

Republicans are blaming President Obama for high gas prices. John Boehner was like, “Gas prices have more than doubled since president Obama took office. And interracial marriages are at an all-time high as well.”