Monologue Jokes about Herman Cain, Kim Kardashian, and more

Herman Cain said God told him to run for president. I think people are more interested in who told him to put his hand up woman #4’s skirt.

Tomorrow Kim Kardashian releases her debut novel. Many people say they plan to buy it, but return it for a refund 72 days later.

Herman Cain told GQ magazine that real mean like meaty pizzas. Cain said grabbing a slice of meaty pizza almost feels as good as grabbing a big ass.

Gloria Cain said her husband Herman respects women. She said he respects women almost as much as he likes touching their bodies.

Herman Cain says God told him to run for president, but a confidentially agreement prevents him from saying who told him to sexually harass women.