President Obama said while the US military will be smaller in the future, it will still be powerful. Obama was like, “Don’t think we won’t be able to bring the ruckus to anybody at anytime!”
A pastor in Michigan put a tattoo parlor inside his church. It’s going to be more than a little awkward the first time a customer requests a devil tattoo.
The December unemployment rate is the lowest it has been in 3 years. That noise you hear are GOP candidates shouting, “Shit! Shit! Shit!”
Police in Southern California think a serial killer maybe attacking homeless people. Police are like, “Go home, lock your doors . . . oh, yeah.”
Mitt Romney’s rivals say Romney winning New Hampshire is no big deal because it’s practically his home state. Michele Bachmann, who was born in Iowa, was like, “It don’t always work that way.”
Companies are starting to test potential employees to see if nicotine shows up in their urine. Man, my side business selling clean urine is about to really take off.
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