Monologue Jokes About Herman Cain, Kepler 22b, Penn State, Newt Gingrich, Mitt Romney and more

Herman Cain says he will not offer an endorsement anytime soon. “I’m not the only who likes it when you play hard to get,” Cain said.

Scientists say they’ve discovered a planet with Earth-like characteristics. The planet has water, rock, and a Herman Cain-look-a-like groping its women.

A new study says that restless leg syndrome may be caused by a genetic component or having Herman Cain touch them.

In a new poll, Newt Gingrich has a double digit lead over Mitt Romney. Romney is concerned about this. After all, it appears as though all of Gingrich’s dirt is out in the open.

Penn State said it wants to transform its public face from a football school to a world-class research institution. Because we all know how fond alumni are at writing checks as they shout: “We’re number one in biotechnology research!”